We asked what the worst thing you’d ever eaten at a doof was.
Now we wish we hadn’t.
Don’t read this article while you’re eating. You’ll either spit take, vomit, or both.
Mate, that is uh, not a food.
1. I was tripping balls and bit into a rubber ball thinking it was granny smith apple.
2. My own tongue/cheeks.
3. Dirt.
4. Spliff ash tower fell directly into my throat as I was laying down smoking. I inhaled in shock. Almost died I reckon.
5. A tab with no LSD.
6. I thought the ground around me looked like it could be made into tea. It couldn’t.
7. A ciggie. Very chewy.
8. I ate a cricket on ketamine to prove a point… I don’t think there was actually a point to prove.
9. Mud on a lollipop 🍭 with a mate. Sharing it and dipping it in the mud between each swap hahaha.
10. I accidentally ate lavender oil lol.
Someone flunked home economics.
11. Sand-coated snags. Crunchy AF.
12. Made pasta in the dark. Didn’t see the huge beetles that were sitting in my bowl. Poured pasta on top of them, stirred it around and chowed down… I still remember their spiny legs moving around in my mouth.
13. 3 days in, finally coming down we realised we really needed to eat. Due to altitude (French alps doof) and lack of gas on our burner that was too small for the pan we never managed to boil water, so cooked pasta in lukewarm water for ages. It became like a weird wheat cake, we ate it anyway with tomato sauce and a can of tuna because we had to survive and had no money for the shops or the energy to take a shuttle down to the valley to go to the ATM.
14. Special mention goes to making tea while munted. Couldn’t figure out why it was strange. Poured it out… made it again… still wrong. Third cup of tea I realised I’m adding salt, not sugar.
15. When emptying the Esky at the end of festival I found half a block of cheese that had been sitting in the water for the whole week. I ate the whole thing in three bites. It was delicious.
16. Cheese rolled in dirt…Ash cheese, dirt cheese, same same.
17. Lollipop that was stuck to the floor of my mate’s Ford Falcon. Who knows how long it had been there.
18. My 3-day-old warmed-up-in-the-glovebox sausage roll. I thought would be fine to eat.
Dry mouth? Tripping balls? Best not put these things in ya gob…
19. Tried eating some Smiths Original chips after I’d been grinding my teeth for hours. Extremely unpleasant experience.
20. That popping rock candy while I was tripping the fuck out… so fucked.
21. Peanut butter. That stuff just doesn’t go down well with dry mouth.
22. Burrito from Trippy Taco whilst I was on LSD. The beans were crawling around like maggots but I couldn’t stop eating it cos it was so good and I hadn’t eaten in days. Traumatising experience, great fucken burrito…
23. Handful of BBQ Shapes when my mouth was dry as fuck. Chewin’ for like 30 mins getting nowhere.
24. Kofta balls with chilli sauce thrust upon me by my bestie while I was in an advanced state of induced synesthesia. Was not a culinary experience I wish to repeat.
25. A big spoonful of Nutella whilst I had dry mouth. Worst ever. So sticky.
26. 4 day old pita bread with peanut butter, my mouth was stuck together for 3 hours. Turned into a bad trip when you think you’re never going to open your mouth again…
The lengths we go to for a high…
27. Sip of a can of bourbon used as an ashtray, but c’mon who hasn’t done that?
28. A couple of heaped teaspoons of dried and ground mushrooms in about a cup of lime juice with lime soft drink to fill the drink bottle up. It was just pure lime – thick liquid until the bottom and then I had to chew down lime flavoured chunky mushrooms. I did it though, I made it all the way through.
29. 3 pills after pickin’ them outta me spew.
30. Someone gave me wax saying it was gonna make me high, made me spew….
31. An old mushie sautéed on the dash of a car during a 30 degree day.
That’s how you die.
32. Friends made 2 minute noodles with diesel from an identical water bottle.
33. At a small doof near San remo half the party got sick after eating spitted meat that’d sat on a table overnight after spinning over no fire for who knows how long. 10 minutes after carving it the side ruptured while it was still spinning and it oozed green pus into the coals… so glad I was vego back then.
34. Either a handful of hot sand or a completely raw sausage straight outta the pack.
35. Raw chicken sausages.
36. Weed-stuffed doof chook on a spit slow roasted for 12 hours over a half-assed, dying fire fueled only with D60 by people who were unfortunately more cooked than that chook ever got.That poor dog [who found and ate the chicken].
37. Yeah, I ate a scorpion at one doof. Wasn’t as bad as ya think.
Less-than-appetising encounters…
38. Probably the ex, who has time for food eating?
39. Stinky 3 day wook puss.
40. Cheesy dick.
41. I forgot her name.
42. Some girls ass on the 3rd night…
Who even raised you?
43. Someone’s spit in a VB with alphabet spaghettis.
44. Walked into the bush for a piss one day ‘n’ found a half-eaten birthday cake just chilling by a tree. Wasn’t the worst thing I ate, but a strange find.
45. I watched a dude walk over to my friend and stuck his finger up her nose… yep, he picked it and ate it…lol. One should not eat ket…. was shocking, yet funny.
46. Fruit loops I found in a big pile of rubbish?
47. Once our friend was convinced by some horrible friends of his to eat the residual fat and oil that solidifies in the pan after cooking sausages. And who says mates at doofs don’t look out for each other?
